Earlier today, someone told me I had to rewrite a guest post because it was not up to their standards.
This happens sometimes.
The blogger said my post was wordy and had too much filler. But she wrote like English was her second language and filled her email with wordy-ness, filler and bloat.
Do you know how I responded? I wished her the best and told her to keep on inspiring.
I do not react to criticism. I barely respond to criticism. I just know this basic truth of life: we see the world as we see ourselves.
Everybody is a mirror. The blogger who turned down my guest post believes she fills her blog with filler and wordy bloat. Plus, she actually does fill her emails with bloat. Since she believes this about herself, she projects this belief onto me. I am just the mirror. I reflect back to her what she believes about herself.
Knowing this, I never take negative feedback or criticism personally because it is about the other person, not about me. I am just a guy who gets clear on having fun helping people and I leave it at that.
Of course, I am a big fan of unearthing any residual fears or pains related to criticism from time to time. Sometimes, we feel 100% clear and all, but someone really laying into us unearths some defensive, anger and pain concerning being criticized.
Criticism Is a Projection
Do not feel bad about being criticized because someone talks about themselves when they offer you negative feedback. Do not get involved in criticism. Either listen to see if the person gives you clarity or ignore and move in a different direction.
I am easily one of the clearest, most confident writers in the blogging tips niche. I write crisply and clearly. No way in heck I submitted a bloated, wordy post to the blogger. Plus one of her paragraphs seemed to span longer than my post. I spare criticism but know the truth: I write clear, she does not, and I never take criticism personally.
No need for me to get clearer on my writing because I am clear enough. Plus I am clear enough and detached enough not to react angrily or shame-filled or embarrassed to her rejection of my blog post.
Develop Emotional Intelligence
Be emotionally intelligent. If someone says something negative about you or your blog, sit with any feelings that arise. Sometimes you feel embarrassed. Sometimes you feel angry. You may wish to stick it to people, or criticize them, or want to embarrass them or judge them in front of your blogging buddies, so you can all gang up on them.
Resist the urge to respond. Pull back. Relax. Literally, it is all good, because negative feedback serves merely as a clearing mechanism to show you are whole, complete and wonderful as you are.
Some people who lack emotional maturity may offer truthful feedback intended to help you but packaged in fear, pain and misery. Humans tend to bury their anger until it festers into something nasty.
This crowd does offer valuable feedback but offered with hate. Learn to dig deeper into what they say to you through the 1 star review, the nasty comment or the annoyed email. Someone flipped out because I emailed my list on a Sunday. He angered at me because of his religious beliefs. I simply chose not to respond, dug deeper than his fear and pain, and figured out I may email people not on the weekend, to connect with more folks during the work week, not on their days off.
Criticism can help you in rare cases when you strip away the fear and pain of the critic.